Pity Party

I've been on the verge of tears all day. So if you don't mind, I'm going to indulge in a little self pity here, just to get it out of my system.

This morning I woke up completely broken from the shoulders up. Something happened to my back, right between my shoulders, and has caused me to be in almost constant pain. I had a Cub Scout Committee meeting at 10, so right after that I headed straight to the chiropractor. He seemed to think it had something to do with my fighting off a sore throat (lowered immune system) and sleeping with a fan blowing cold air on my back. ??? I just said "Uh-huh" and "okay" about fifty times then let him adjust me. Didn't help. He warned me that it might not take the pain away. He said it could last for a couple more days, even up to a week, but I just need to keep my upper back covered and to use moist heat to help it feel better.

By the time we finally got home the kids were starving, so I fed them and started hunting for our rice bag to throw in the microwave. It was nowhere to be found and I was about to cry until Hakan said he knew where it was. Thankfully, he really did. I sent Hakan to bed, put Finn in his play pen and sent Pyper next door to play with the neighbor while I rested with the hot rice bag on my back.

Things were nice for about 45 minutes.

Suddenly Pyper and her friend burst through the door and the friend runs up to me and says, "Pyper said "d**n it." I didn't know what to say. So I told the friend that Pyper needed to have some time alone and sent her home. Then I noticed that the little girl's mom was standing at our front door waiting to talk to me. She told me what Pyper had said, that Pyper said she didn't meant to say it, and thought I'd want to know. I stammered and mumbled something about being shocked and that we don't swear and I'll talk to her and thank you and... I was just so embarrassed!

Pyper was hiding around the corner, already crying. First I demanded to know where she'd heard that, and all I could get out of her was, "Some big kid shows," whatever that means. Then I launched into a lecture about using words that she doesn't hear Mommy and Daddy say and how she needs to think about her words before they come out of her mouth and how embarrassed and disappointed I was, etc. She cried the whole time, saying over and over that she didn't mean to and that she was sorry. I knew it was an accident, but I think that makes me even more concerned. Why are words like that just slipping out? Does she really hear them that often on TV? Uhhh!

She was really upset, so hopefully that long, uncomfortable conversation got through. Plus getting grounded. I know she's not at all happy about that.

I sent her to her room to calm down. I went up a few minutes later to listen at her door, then heard noises coming from the room next to hers. It was Hakan. He hadn't gone to sleep yet. I'd sent him to bed over an hour before and he'd just been playing. So I made him get in my bed where there are no toys nearby to distract him. Uhhh!!

It's now 3:15, my back still kills, and I've got Webelos in less than 3 hours which I'm not ready for because no one will get back to me with what I need!!! On a day like this I'd normally call Aaron and beg him to come home and help, but today he had to go to Twin Falls with some co-workers and can't get back until around 7. So I'm on my own.

Broken and alone.